Dr. Jan’s LifeWise Words of Wisdom
Rebuilding Bridges: What I’ve Learned About Parent and Adult-Child Estrangement
"What I’ve Learned About Parent and Adult-Child Estrangement"
Parent and adult-child estrangement is becoming increasingly common, with adult children often framing it as "no contact." While historically linked to severe abuse or manipulation, today's estrangements may stem from diverse issues, including political differences, lifestyle choices, or third-party influences like in-laws.
In this blog, I explore key insights and practical strategies for parents navigating this painful experience:
Mindset Updates: Learn how to accept the shifted balance of power, understand your adult child’s limitations, and rethink unhelpful strategies.
Building Resilience: Discover tools for distress tolerance and emotional regulation to handle the inner turmoil of estrangement.
Strategic Thinking: Approach reconciliation with patience, perspective-taking, and negotiation skills to improve the odds of reconnecting.
Estrangement is a "Freakin' Growth Opportunity" (FGO) that challenges us to evolve. By combining emotional resilience with strategic actions, parents can reclaim their sanity and increase their chances of healing relationships while maintaining hope.
Read the full blog to learn how to transform pain into personal growth and reconnection with your adult child.
Love and Politics: How Successful Couples Manage Their Differences
Political differences can strain even the strongest relationships. This article offers practical insights from a marriage therapist on how to navigate these challenges. Learn to pause, pay attention to your reactions, and regulate your emotions. Discover how mindfulness and self-awareness can help you maintain a loving relationship despite opposing political views.
Self-Compassion is the New Self-Esteem: How to Not Be So Mean to Yourself.
Discover how three simple questions at the end of each therapy session can dramatically improve your counseling experience. This article delves into the concept of self-compassion, debunking common misconceptions and offering practical exercises. Learn how cultivating self-compassion can lead to better relationships, improved self-esteem, and a more fulfilling life.
Estranged From Your Adult Child? Try These New Evidence-Based Strategies
Family estrangement, particularly ghosting parents, is more common than you might think. This article delves into the latest research on adult child estrangement, offering evidence-based strategies for reconciliation. Learn how to navigate the complex emotions of being cut off and discover practical steps towards rebuilding relationships with estranged adult children.
Do This To Save Your Marriage — Part 2: Learn to Complain Well
Discover the power of effective complaining in saving your marriage. Learn the subtle differences between complaints and criticism, and how to express your concerns without damaging your relationship. This article provides practical, research-backed strategies to improve communication and strengthen your bond with your partner.
Do This to Save Your Marriage: How to Stay Calm and Speak Up.
Explore how staying calm and speaking up non-defensively can transform your marriage. This real-life case study illustrates the power of emotional regulation in resolving conflicts. Learn practical techniques to manage your emotions, communicate effectively, and create a stronger, more resilient relationship with your spouse.
Blindsided by Estrangement: Can You Love Your Child Right Out of Your Life?
Delve into the perplexing world of adult child estrangement. This article explores the unexpected causes behind this growing trend, including the impacts of intensive parenting and changing family dynamics. Discover strategies for coping with the pain of estrangement and learn approaches for potential reconciliation.
The Relationship Pulse Check: A Ridiculously Easy Way to Reconnect and Recharge
Discover the Relationship Pulse Check, a powerful tool for maintaining a strong, healthy partnership. This article introduces a simple yet effective method to regularly assess and improve your relationship. Learn how to identify subtle signs of disconnection and implement strategies to reconnect, ensuring your relationship stays vibrant and resilient.
Dead Certain You're Unhappy, But Dead Set Against Divorce?
Trapped in an unhappy marriage but reluctant to divorce? This article challenges the stay-or-leave dichotomy, presenting research-backed alternatives for finding happiness. Discover how to improve your relationship, focus on personal growth, or consider therapeutic separation. Learn to navigate marital challenges with a fresh perspective.
How to Have a Breakthrough Without Going Through a Breakdown
Ever wondered why therapy can feel unsettling yet rewarding? This article delves into the neuroscience of change, explaining why discomfort often precedes breakthroughs. Learn about the RAIN technique and how it can help you navigate personal growth without overwhelming stress. Discover how to embrace change and achieve meaningful transformations.
Mom Guilt? How to Give Yourself — and Your Loved Ones — a Break.
Mom guilt: a universal yet rarely discussed challenge of modern motherhood. This article explores the evolutionary roots of maternal guilt, its impact on marriages, and its manifestation across cultures. Learn strategies to balance your role as a mother with your personal identity, and discover how overcoming guilt can strengthen family relationships.
Estranged: When Holidays Hurt
Holidays can be particularly painful for parents estranged from adult children. Dr. Jan Anderson provides compassionate insight into this 'silent epidemic,' offering strategies to cope, maintain hope, and work towards reconnection. Learn how to navigate this challenging time while fostering personal growth and resilience.
Empathy 101 for A-Holes: A Love Story
Follow one couple's journey from disconnection to understanding as Dr. Jan Anderson guides a self-proclaimed 'A-hole' to discover his innate capacity for empathy. Learn practical strategies for improving communication, deepening emotional connections, and reigniting love in your relationship - all while staying true to yourself.
Dr. Jan's Memes: A Quick Jolt of Media Therapy.
Dr. Jan Anderson revolutionizes therapy with her popular memes, offering 'quick jolts of media therapy' for daily life. These visual nuggets of wisdom provide practical tips and life hacks in a format that's short, powerful, and memorable. Explore how these 'small moments of visual therapy' can transform your perspective and improve your mental wellbeing.
The Upside of a Self-Absorbed Mother
In this candid reflection, Dr. Jan Anderson uncovers the surprising benefits of growing up with a self-absorbed mother. Through poignant anecdotes and professional insights, she illustrates how challenging childhood experiences can cultivate resilience, independence, and self-awareness. Discover how embracing the complexities of difficult family dynamics can lead to personal growth and emotional healing.
Crushing It in Your Career: When Being Smart Isn't Enough
Discover why being smart and talented isn't always enough to land your dream job. Dr. Jan Anderson shares insights on the often-overlooked skill of interpersonal intelligence and how it can be the game-changer in your career. Learn practical strategies to enhance your professional presence, ace interviews, and stand out in a competitive job market.
Matching to a Medical Residency: When Being Smart Isn't Enough
Smart and talented, yet still unmatched? Dr. Jan Anderson reveals the secret ingredient many medical students overlook. Explore how honing your interpersonal skills can be the key to landing your dream residency, even in a field where everyone excels academically.
How to Ask for Help When You're a Perfectionist
Perfectionists, take heart! Dr. Jan Anderson offers a candid look at her own struggle with perfectionism while writing a book, revealing valuable strategies for seeking help without compromising your self-image. Learn how to reframe 'asking for help' as a strength, not a weakness, and discover face-saving techniques that make reaching out for support more palatable. This insightful guide shows how even the most accomplished professionals can benefit from counseling and coaching.
Tired of Being Triggered? How to Not Lose It with the People You Love.
Navigating emotional triggers in relationships can feel like walking through a minefield. Dr. Jan Anderson offers a therapist's perspective on staying calm when tensions run high. Learn counterintuitive yet effective strategies to manage your emotions, from embracing feelings to practicing self-compassion. Discover how these techniques can transform difficult conversations and strengthen your relationships, even in the most challenging times.
The Argument Antidote
Think some conflicts are unsolvable? Think again. Dr. Jan Anderson shares insights from relationship experts on how to navigate perpetual disagreements without damaging your partnership. Learn practical, counterintuitive techniques to address issues constructively, enhance communication, and strengthen your bond. Discover why love alone isn't enough and how mastering these skills can transform your relationship, even when facing seemingly insurmountable differences.