Dr. Jan’s LifeWise Words of Wisdom
Rebuilding Bridges: What I’ve Learned About Parent and Adult-Child Estrangement
"What I’ve Learned About Parent and Adult-Child Estrangement"
Parent and adult-child estrangement is becoming increasingly common, with adult children often framing it as "no contact." While historically linked to severe abuse or manipulation, today's estrangements may stem from diverse issues, including political differences, lifestyle choices, or third-party influences like in-laws.
In this blog, I explore key insights and practical strategies for parents navigating this painful experience:
Mindset Updates: Learn how to accept the shifted balance of power, understand your adult child’s limitations, and rethink unhelpful strategies.
Building Resilience: Discover tools for distress tolerance and emotional regulation to handle the inner turmoil of estrangement.
Strategic Thinking: Approach reconciliation with patience, perspective-taking, and negotiation skills to improve the odds of reconnecting.
Estrangement is a "Freakin' Growth Opportunity" (FGO) that challenges us to evolve. By combining emotional resilience with strategic actions, parents can reclaim their sanity and increase their chances of healing relationships while maintaining hope.
Read the full blog to learn how to transform pain into personal growth and reconnection with your adult child.
How to Have a Breakthrough Without Going Through a Breakdown
Ever wondered why therapy can feel unsettling yet rewarding? This article delves into the neuroscience of change, explaining why discomfort often precedes breakthroughs. Learn about the RAIN technique and how it can help you navigate personal growth without overwhelming stress. Discover how to embrace change and achieve meaningful transformations.
Mom Guilt? How to Give Yourself — and Your Loved Ones — a Break.
Mom guilt: a universal yet rarely discussed challenge of modern motherhood. This article explores the evolutionary roots of maternal guilt, its impact on marriages, and its manifestation across cultures. Learn strategies to balance your role as a mother with your personal identity, and discover how overcoming guilt can strengthen family relationships.
Estranged: When Holidays Hurt
Holidays can be particularly painful for parents estranged from adult children. Dr. Jan Anderson provides compassionate insight into this 'silent epidemic,' offering strategies to cope, maintain hope, and work towards reconnection. Learn how to navigate this challenging time while fostering personal growth and resilience.
Empathy 101 for A-Holes: A Love Story
Follow one couple's journey from disconnection to understanding as Dr. Jan Anderson guides a self-proclaimed 'A-hole' to discover his innate capacity for empathy. Learn practical strategies for improving communication, deepening emotional connections, and reigniting love in your relationship - all while staying true to yourself.
The Upside of a Self-Absorbed Mother
In this candid reflection, Dr. Jan Anderson uncovers the surprising benefits of growing up with a self-absorbed mother. Through poignant anecdotes and professional insights, she illustrates how challenging childhood experiences can cultivate resilience, independence, and self-awareness. Discover how embracing the complexities of difficult family dynamics can lead to personal growth and emotional healing.
How to Ask for Help When You're a Perfectionist
Perfectionists, take heart! Dr. Jan Anderson offers a candid look at her own struggle with perfectionism while writing a book, revealing valuable strategies for seeking help without compromising your self-image. Learn how to reframe 'asking for help' as a strength, not a weakness, and discover face-saving techniques that make reaching out for support more palatable. This insightful guide shows how even the most accomplished professionals can benefit from counseling and coaching.
Tired of Being Triggered? How to Not Lose It with the People You Love.
Navigating emotional triggers in relationships can feel like walking through a minefield. Dr. Jan Anderson offers a therapist's perspective on staying calm when tensions run high. Learn counterintuitive yet effective strategies to manage your emotions, from embracing feelings to practicing self-compassion. Discover how these techniques can transform difficult conversations and strengthen your relationships, even in the most challenging times.
The Argument Antidote
Think some conflicts are unsolvable? Think again. Dr. Jan Anderson shares insights from relationship experts on how to navigate perpetual disagreements without damaging your partnership. Learn practical, counterintuitive techniques to address issues constructively, enhance communication, and strengthen your bond. Discover why love alone isn't enough and how mastering these skills can transform your relationship, even when facing seemingly insurmountable differences.
Suicidal Thoughts? They're Not a Good Predictor of Suicide
Suicidal thoughts are more common than you might think, but they're not always the best predictor of suicide attempts. Dr. Jan Anderson delves into the nuances of suicide prevention, sharing professional insights and personal experiences. Learn why connection trumps technique in crisis intervention, how to approach someone in distress, and the surprising role of the 'inner critic' in suicidal ideation. This compassionate exploration offers a fresh perspective on supporting those struggling with thoughts of suicide.
My Father, Money and Me
Our relationship with money often has deep roots in childhood experiences. Dr. Jan Anderson offers a candid look at how her father's approach to finances shaped her own attitudes, and how mindfulness meditation unveiled these unconscious patterns. Journey through her personal and professional insights on financial resilience, forgiveness, and breaking generational cycles. This introspective piece provides valuable perspectives on understanding and transforming our complex relationships with money.
When Mother’s Day Hurts
Mother's Day can be a heart-wrenching time for mothers estranged from their adult children. Dr. Jan Anderson delves into this 'silent epidemic,' offering profound insights on why traditional reconciliation methods often backfire and how to navigate this painful journey. Learn counterintuitive yet effective strategies for coping, from backing off to honoring other mothers, and discover how to maintain hope while working towards possible reconnection. This compassionate guide provides a lifeline for those grappling with the complex emotions of parent-child estrangement.
Boost Your Coping Skills with Both/And Thinking: The Pandemic and Beyond
In a world of polarizing viewpoints, both/and thinking offers a powerful alternative. Dr. Jan Anderson delves into this transformative cognitive approach, sharing insights from personal experiences and mentors. Discover how expanding your 'container' to hold conflicting ideas can lead to better decision-making, improved relationships, and enhanced resilience in times of crisis. Whether you're navigating personal conflicts or global uncertainties, this guide provides practical strategies to cultivate a more nuanced and adaptable mindset.